February Dispatch
Teaching, learning. A mid-winter round-up!
I started teaching classes in January. I was so overwhelmed with anxiety over this new venture that I spent almost the entire weekend before my first class on my couch, wrapped in a blanket eating takeout and burning through Top Chef. The irony of watching a show about fine dining while combing the internet for Doordash coupon codes is not lost on me.
Teaching a continuing education class at the college level was something I wasn’t sure I was qualified to do. Funny how imposterism works — I have two degrees related to what I’m teaching, have written about similar topics dozens of times, created the course materials, and interviewed before I started teaching, but I still questioned if I deserved it. Thankfully, it’s come naturally. And not without its challenges, of course. Teaching is a constant exercise in problem-solving and learning on the fly. I’ve already learned a lot about managing my ego and insecurities in a (virtual) classroom space.
I’m teaching topics on equity, diversity, and inclusion — all things that can feel very personal to anyone engaging with them. It helps that everyone in the class is incredibly kind — I cancelled class this week because I have the flu, and I received no less than fifteen emails wishing me well. Still, I’m surprised to be taken seriously as a teacher. I feel like two kids in a trench coat pretending to be an adult when I have to remind my class to turn in their online quizzes.
Despite this winter being a relatively mild one, teaching has kept me busy during a time when it’s difficult to feel motivated, or even generally happy. Mental-health-wise, I feel leaps and bounds ahead of where I was in winter 2023. It turns out that trying something new that you’re scared of, only to find out you’re pretty good at it, makes you feel great about yourself.
Still, I’m resisting the urge to find my self-worth through work, so I decided not to continue teaching for as long as initially planned. I have an allergy to free time, something that everyone from my therapist to my closest friends has called me out for in varying degrees of gentleness. As I wrap up teaching (for the time being), here are some non-work-related things I’ve enjoyed in the past few weeks.
Books
So far this year I’ve read Best Young Woman Job Book by Emma Healey, Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman, Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata, and Good Material by Dolly Alderton. I’m currently reading Black Friend: Essays by Ziwe.
Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine — Gail Honeyman
Eleanor Oliphant is about a woman in her late twenties who lives a routine, lonely life, content in her solitude as a result of a traumatic past. As she becomes friends with one of her coworkers, his kindness starts to bring her out into the world, and she slowly starts understanding herself. I adored this book. It made me feel a lot of things, and by the time I got to the last third, I didn’t want it to end. Eleanor Oliphant is so incredibly earnest, especially in its portrayal of random acts of kindness. It reminds you that we are nothing without the people around us and everyone is deserving of grace. Plus the narrator, the titular Eleanor, was so easy to love.
Good Material — Dolly Alderton
Good Material follows the months after Andy, a struggling comedian in his mid-thirties, is dumped by the woman he planned to spend his life with, Jen. Since Andy is the narrator for most of this book, you get to hear every post-breakup thought he has, and honestly, there were times that I thought I couldn’t deal with it — not just because Andy is very whiny, but because it just gets so real. The book shifts to Jen’s perspective near the end which ties everything together very well, but I only wish that we had equal time (or more) with Jen.
Movies
In the past few weeks, I’ve watched a lot of new movies: American Fiction, The Iron Claw, Poor Things, Mean Girls (2024), All of Us Strangers, The Holdovers, and Dunki. Did you guys know that non-Tuesday Cineplex tickets are $16 now? What the hell. I won’t tell you how I felt about all of these movies. I didn’t hate any of them, though if I had to rank one lowest, it would be Mean Girls, if only for the bad costuming and awful lyrics.
American Fiction (dir. Cord Jefferson)
Jeffrey Wright and Sterling K. Brown’s performances in American Fiction stood out to me and I’m glad they’re getting recognized for their work. This film made me think hard about Du Bois’ concept of double consciousness, and what it’s like to write, create, and live under the weight of society’s oppressive expectations while you’re still figuring out who you are.
The Iron Claw (dir. Sean Durkin)
I knew nothing about the Von Erich family before watching The Iron Claw, so after the second brother’s death, I remember thinking “Surely they don’t all die?” and I was right and wrong about that. I mostly loved this movie, except for the ending, which felt “Hallmark-y,” as a friend put it. All the characters and their actors were incredible, but I found Doris (played by Maura Tierney) to be especially interesting as a generally voiceless but active player in her own family’s trauma. This movie was severely snubbed by the Oscars.
TV
Top Chef
One thing I’m going to do is obsessively watch a reality show that is long past its heyday. Last year, it was Survivor and this year, it’s Top Chef. Listen, I don’t know what it is about watching Padma Lakshmi lead over a dozen talented chefs through challenges ranging from exciting and creative to humiliating and insane, but I’m eating that shit up like it has three Michelin stars. My obsession is dying down but I am curious to see where the show goes with Kristen Kish as its new host.
RuPaul's Drag Race (season 16)
Drag Race will always be here for me. I’m enjoying Season 16 more than I thought I would, and I’m rooting for Nymphia Wind but she was barely featured in the most recent episode, which doesn’t bode well. Unfortunately, this season is unravelling in very predictable ways, and I’m certain that I already know the elimination order of the nine remaining queens because this show hasn’t surprised me in years. But will I tune in every week to the entire Drag Race cinematic universe including Fashion Photo Ruview and the Pit Stop? Well, yes!
Music
So far, I’ve spent most of 2024 catching up on great 2023 albums that I missed. Two standouts are:
Heaven knows - PinkPantheress
I predict “Feel complete” by PinkPantheress will be my top-played song of 2024. I’ve already listened to it probably 100 times. It interpolates “KU LO SA” by Oxlade, another song you can put on repeat for hours. Something about this album makes me feel amazing. It has an overall sparkling feeling you probably already associate with PinkPantheress, but the production is layered. Every time I’ve listened to it late at night while walking home, I’ve just wanted to keep on walking. I don’t think the Central Cee collaboration made sense, but Rema’s was better, and the Kelela one was fantastic. Favourite songs: “Bury me” ft. Kelela; “Feel complete,” and “Another life” ft Rema.
Fountain Baby - Amaarae
I can’t believe this critically acclaimed album came out in June — MY BIRTHDAY MONTH — and it took me six months to listen to it. Amaarae plays with a lot of genres here, but the throughline is pure fun and sex. Is there a hornier person making music right now? Even the clunkier tracks like “Counterfeit” had me dancing by the third listen. Side note — while listening to “Counterfeit” I thought “Did Pharrell produce this?” and later learned that it samples “Wamp Wamp (What It Do)” by Clipse, which is produced by Pharrell. So that made me feel smart. Favourite songs: “Reckless and Sweet,” “Angels in Tibet,” and “Princess Going Digital.”